Autism & Grief - Take 2?

     On the day I had already posted the "Autism & Grief" post, Teagan had a complete meltdown that came out of nowhere, and not about what you would expect when thinking about the people he normally grieves for.  We were at my mom's house, and we were setting the table for dinner, and I happened to look down into her dog's water bowl and saw a 3 inch millipede, which is just about the ugliest bug ever, by the way.  So, without freaking Teagan out (he hates nearly all bugs and completely freaks out), I had my mom look at it.  We were trying to figure out how it got in there, when Teagan caught wind of something going on, and came in to investigate.  I had already scooped out the bug and put it into the trash, and he saw it in there and starting freaking out, but not in the normal way.  He was crying about it being a "baby millipede orphan" and begging me not to put trash on top of it, so it could breathe.  I explained to him that it was dead, and where I had found it, but he was completely irrational and insistent that I not put trash on it.  He was so distraught over this dead bug, it was really starting to concern both my mom and I. 

     So after about 10 minutes of him crying and fussing over this dead thing, and me trying to tell him it was dead, it wasn't breathing, and him telling me, "You don't have to yell at me," in a sulky voice (I did not yell at him, I was just trying to explain the situation to him), I decided it was time to take the trash out and be rid of this bug for good.  He followed me out crying and begging me not to throw him away, and could we take him home for a pet so he wouldn't be an orphan anymore, and I had had just about enough of this. 

     So I told him I would say a eulogy for him, but then we were going to have to throw the trashbag in the can.  So, the eulogy went something like this, "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to say goodbye to Brother Millipede, whose life was tragically and quickly ended when he tried to take a swim in Abbey's waterbowl, and forgot he couldn't swim.  He is survived by Teagan, who was probably his only friend." 

     Funny to me, but obviously the situation was heart-wrenching for Teagan, and it was just very sad to see him so upset over something so small and insignificant, or at least it was to me.  Needless to say, we are searching for a new therapist for Teagan, because I don't think we are capable of successfully handling these types of situations in a way that he is able to understand.

Autism & Grief

     How do we explain death to Autistic children?  For a child so young, Teagan has known more grief than he should, in my opinion.  His first experience with grief was when his most beloved Great Great Grandmother Libby died when he was 5 years old.  He didn't understand it then, but as he gets older, he understands the loss of his Mamaw, understands that we can't see her anymore, but doesn't really understand why.  Then he lost his first dog, Polo, who had to be put to sleep.  Then, a few months after that, we learned that a year before, his best friend, his very first best friend for 3 years since he was 3 had died by drowning.  He was also Autistic. 

     These losses, especially those of his Mamaw and his friend, Grayson, are really starting to affect him, he cries for them several times a week, and I do not know how to console him or make him understand that death is a part of life, and sometimes we can't keep those we love.

     So how do you explain to an Autistic child the ways of life and death?