Teaganisms - Take 6

The morning Teagan turned 9 years old, I was showing Teagan photos of himself throughout the years, from the day he was born until now, and he said, "Awww... I was such a cute baby."  And of course, I agreed.  Then we went to the next photo and he said, "Still cute."  And the next one, "Still cute."  And the next, "Yep, I'm still cute." ROFL

Teagan was taking off his shirt one day, and he was having some trouble so he got his head stuck inside.  I hear from within the confines of his shirt, "Man, it smells gnarly in here!"  I started laughing, and once he got his shirt off, he came over to have me nasally inspect his armpits.  Trust me, it was definitely gnarly in there.  ROFLMAO

A few days before Halloween, Teagan and I were discussing carving up some pumpkins for Jack-O-Laterns, and he had this to say: "We could just poke holes into the pumpkins to make them like Swiss cheese.  And then we could put a Swiss candle in there."  And to that, I asked, "What is a Swiss candle?"  And he says, "You jam a candle in a piece of Swiss cheese, then put it in the pumpkin."  So, naturally, I asked, "What is a Swiss knife?"  To which he responds, "You jam a knife into a piece of Swiss cheese, and it makes a Swiss knife.  We could put the Swiss knife into the Swiss candle and put them in the pumpkin!"  Sure we could.  LOL


Teagan and I were playing Kirby's Epic Yarn, and he was upset because he couldn't do this one thing, so he said, "You cheat!"  And I asked how?  He said, "All the time on repeat and continuous games."  I asked how I cheated?  He said, "You are full of cheatingness."  Of course I am.  ROFL


Near our house is a car repair and lube shop.  In the parking lot, they have a car turned upside down on its roof.  One day, as we passed by, Teagan says, "Mommy, when the van stops working, can we turn it upside down?"  I said, "Teagan, with me, you, daddy, mamaw and papaw, we wouldn't be able to flip it over.  The car weighs like 1,000 pounds."  And he said, "Well, we need to find a man or woman who weighs 1,000 pounds and have them flip it."  What logic!  LOL

Teaganisms - Take 5

Just so you know, this is extremely embarassing for me to recount, which should show you just how much I love you all. I hope you all choke on this installment of Teaganisms. ROFL Just kidding.


So... the other morning, I was fixing my hair while wearing a tank top, and Teagan looks over, and squeals excitedly, "Mommy! Mommy! You grew armpit hair!" ROFL I said, "Errr... yeah, now I'm a big boy, go away." LOL Later on I tried to explain the mysterious act of women shaving their armpits which completely confused him, and he gave up to watch television.


There is a little girl in Teagan's school, whom I have never heard of, until the day we were passing out his birthday invitations. He said, "Oh, I need to give one to Skylar." And I'm thinking, who? So, we go across the hall, and he hands one to this cute little blonde-haired, white girl about his age. I recognized this girl, because about 15 minutes before that, the kids got off the van from a field trip, and she says to me, "Hi Teagan's mom." I said hello back, but I had no idea who this kid was, and how she knew who I was. Now I know. rofl Well, the next day, we are taking Teagan to school and trying to figure out who this Skylar girlie is and why it was so important to him to invite her to his party, even though she isn't even in his class. And he says, "Mommy, can you put me on a dating site on the internet?" And I'm like WTF? So I ask him why, and he says, "So I can learn how to be nice to girls." And of course, again, I'm like WTF? And after asking him why, he says, "Because I want to date Skylar." Well, now we all know who Skylar is. You know, he's only 9 years old. It's not like he's even pre-teen yet. We are doomed!


One morning, on the way to taking Teagan to school, my husband and I were having a conversation. I don't remember what it was about, but I do know that it wasn't about anything that came out of Teagan's mouth. He says, "I'm not old enough to choose to make out or not to make out." I said, "WHAT?" And he repeats it. Then I ask him, "What is making out?" And he says, "When you date." So, I say, "Oh, well, it's good you aren't old enough to make out then." And then he says, "I want to make out with Skylar." My husband and I nearly died of a heart attack. And then Teagan says, "We're going to go to a restaurant." So, not only is he interested in dating this Skylar, but he also has it all planned out. He is going to go on an internet dating site, for what he presumably believes is to teach him how to be nice to girls, then he is going to take her to a restaurant, then make out with her. Heaven help us!

And if it isn't bad enough he has a girlfriend... he thinks once he gives his girlfriend her birthday gift, (see photo to the left), that they will be married, and are going to move in with us. Oh... ignorance is such bliss. If he knew just what marriage was all about, he wouldn't rush into it at the ripe old age of 9.

New Teaganisms Poll

      Because Teaganisms have become so popular, I have added a poll on the home page.  Take a second to vote for your favorite Teaganisms post.  You are able to vote for more than one.  Once the voting period is over, I will re-post the one with the most votes.  And, if I can get Teagan to do it without telling him, I will try to post a video of him actually discussing one of his famous Teaganisms.
     I am very happy to see that everyone finds these as funny as we do, when they come spewing out of his sweet little face.  He's so funny, and I don't think he even realizes it.  Keep those e-mails and comments coming about your favorite ones or just your general thoughts about the wisdom and geniusness that is Teagan.

Teaganisms - Take 4

In honor of Teagan's birthday today, I give you a Teaganisms post.  And in two weeks, a second installment for this month. 

Now, say you love me.

Teagan runs into the livingroom the other day all in an excited fit. He says, "MOMMY! MOMMY! I think I'm growing armpit hair like daddy, because I was looking at my armpits and they stink!" So then he asks for a mirror, so he can see the armpit hair, that is still non-existent. Never seen anyone so excited to reach puberty.

While eating dinner at his grandmother's house, Teagan puts his milk away from him and over by his grandmother.  A few minutes later, he looks at her and says, "Hit me, mamaw."  I guess the look on her face said it all, because he immediately began to explain, "I don't mean hit me like smack me, I mean to give me a drink."  Go figure.  Has he been watching Poker After Dark or something?

Part of the reason this latest post for Teaganisms has taken so long, is because Teagan has been in rare form lately. He has been so hateful and mean, completely moody. So, the other day, in one of these moody moments, he was acting like a butt, and I wouldn't allow him to have a sandwich before dinner (go figure), and he was complaining, and I told him "Tough titties". And he says to me, "You're a titty, now give me a sandwich." Anyone else have moody brats out there? Holla!

The same day as the aforementioned incident, he was bugging me about having a second ice cream sandwich, and being a complete butt. So I told him to bugger off, and he says, "You booger off." I wonder if "booger off" is half as bad as "bugger off"? Or worse? What a potty mouth!

My husband is notorious for purposely aggravating me, and maybe one day I will devote an entire blog just to his nuisance. However, the other day, I asked him to buy me a 20 oz. soda at the gas station, and he comes out with a candy bar for Teagan, and a short, little, fat 12 oz. soda for me. I looked at him like "seriously?", and I said, "What's this?" He said, "You told me to get you a soda". I said, "Yeah, a 20 oz. This is a 12 oz". Then he pulls out another soda from his pocket, and I asked him, "Why do you do that to me?" And he says, "Just to aggravate you. The look on your face was priceless." Then he proceeds to go into his own version of the Visa commercial. "Candy bar for Teagan - 59 cents. 12 oz. bottle of soda - $1.09. 20 oz. bottle of soda - $1.59. The look on your face - priceless." And then Teagan just randomly says, "You lovin' me - priceless." ROFL What a HAM!

Normally when I pick Teagan up from school, I wait for him a little way down from his classroom, or just outside the building's main doors. One day, I stayed in the car, because it was 99 degrees, I was half-nekkid, (not really, but as close as I could decently be), and had no bra on. It was just too damn hot for one. So, Teagan came running out of the building, fell pretty hard, and skinned his knees. He was visibly upset by the time he got to the car, and asked me, "Mommy, why didn't you get out? I fell!" I said, "I didn't see you honey, I'm really sorry. I couldn't get out because I don't have a bra on." And he says, "Mommy, you should have gotten out. Nobody will throw trash at you because you don't have a bra on." I told him, "Well, that's good to know." Err... throwing trash? Only thing my husband and I can think of is when I tell Teagan I can't go in the store looking like white trash without a bra on. rofl He's so silly.

IT'S ALMOST OVER! - Updated new blog address

     I still love you all, I'm a horrible blogger, neglectful, just terrible.  But the semester is almost over!!!  Thank you for those of you who hung around waiting for me to get back to it. 
     And I have a gift for you all in just a short week.  A NEW TEAGANISMS POST!  And it just might be his best ever.  We'll see! 
     I will also be adding a Teaganism Poll, just to see which one is the best among my readers!  Make sure you keep an eye out for all these goodies on August 1st! 
     And because the semester will be over by then, you have me for an entire month of posting goodies about Teagan, and all the things you have come to know and love.
     Also, if you get bored of my ranting about Teagan and Autism, check out my newest blog:

Almost Naked Mommy

almostnakedmommy.blogspot.com

My Deepest Apologies

     To all my loyal readers, I apologize for being absent for so long.  The summer has kept me so busy, I scarcely have time to even complete my homework.  Needless to say, I haven't had time to compose blog entries, but I hope to remedy that this weekend, with something new, and in a few short weeks, the summer semester will be over, and I have will have a month reprieve, before the fall semester, so I should be able to resume my near-daily blog compositions. 
     As always, I am working on the latest installment of Teaganisms, which everyone seems to enjoy so much, as we enjoy experiencing them first-hand from Teagan.  I hope that you will all forgive my absence, and bear with me as I find the time to continue my advocacy through blogging for Autism.

Teaganisms - Take 3

Because people are demanding new Teaganisms, I have posted this one to satisfy all you Teaganism junkies out there.  It's a short one, he hasn't been very forthcoming lately, but I'm sure that will change, since his birthday is coming up, and wants/needs give way to goofiness, especially when he knows I will probably say no to his requests.  Goofiness always melts the cold heart of a mother.  LOL

I was sniffing Teagan's ear the other day, and he said, "Mommy, quit sniffing me."  I asked why, and he said, "Quit sniffing me, sniffing is inappropriate.  I don't want to be sniffed at this time."  I wonder when is a good time for sniffing?  LOL

My mom has a little chihuahua that she named Abbey, but I enjoy calling her other names.  Not ugly, malicious names, but some of the names I call her is "Hamlet" (because she's a fat little doggie and she's just so round and cute), "Hammy", "Abbeycadaby", "Abs", "Abselot", etc.  But the other day I called her "Abbacus", and asked her if I could count on her, which cracked my mom up.  One day we were leaving, and I said, "Bye Abbacus, I'll see you tomorrow."  And my mom says, "You can count on it."  ROFL  But then, Teagan says, "Bye Abbicousin".  I guess he thought I was calling her "Abbicousin" instead of "Abbacus".  LOL  Crazy kid.  He considers Abbey his cousin, since Ollie is his "little sister".  Ollie, as you have already read is our dog, but obviously not just a dog, but a part of the family and a child I didn't give birth to (thank the Gods!  She's a horse of a dog!!).

Teagan has poo issues, we won't even go into them here, but I'm sure they will make another post one day.  So one day, after an especially rough bowel movement, he said, "that hurt like a bat who poops."  Ya think?  LOL

Teagan was outside blowing bubbles, and he got bubble liquid on my bench where I sit.  I said, "Teagan, you got bubbles on the bench!  Now I'm going to get bubbles on my butt."  He said, "That's good!  When you fart, you'll blow bubbles!"  ROFLMAO  Seriously?!?!

Teaganisms - Take 2

Teagan was having issues buttoning his pants one morning, and I was joking around with him and asked him, "Honey, is your junk too big?"  He says, "No, well, yes, but no, my underwear is too small."


Teagan one morning was getting dressed with some help from dad, and was either having issues with his undies or honestly believed he had misplaced something, (I was trying very hard to get back to sleep at this point), and started turning around in circles.  His dad asked him what he was doing, and he said, "Trying to find my butt.  Where did my butt go?"


Teagan called me on the webcam the other day, sitting 10 feet away from me in the living room, proceeded to stand up in the chair and show me his butt.  Told him I could still spank it over the webcam if he kept it up.


Teagan was being a little smart butt, and I told him if he didn't stop, I was going to put my foot so far up his butt that they would have to take him to the hospital to remove it.  (Usually, I tell my husband the same thing, but it actually goes like this, "Honey, if you don't stop, I am going to insert my foot so far up into your butt that they will have to surgically remove it).  Teagan's reply to this was, "You won't be able to drive."  ROFLMAO  I told him he could go by ambulance.  What a smart butt.


Teagan was attacked by a kid at school one day, and all day long, I had been telling my husband and my mom (around Teagan) that I was going to put my foot "in it", if the kid didn't stop.  So, just before bed that night, he turns around and says, "I don't want to go to school because I'm afraid of <the kid>."  I told him not to worry about it, I was going to take care of it, and he says, "Yeah, you're going to put your foot in his ass."  I didn't actually say that, but I have said it many times, so I think he just assumed I would do it this time, as well.  ROFL


Teagan woke up one morning and said that Daddy heard him "snoring like a snake".  Err... snakes snore?


Teagan was being a brat one day, and putting his two cents worth into everything my mother and I were talking about.  So, my mom tells him to shut it, and he says, "No.  Can't.  Autism."  ROFL  If there is one person who embraces his special needs when it is convenient for him, it's Teagan.  LOL


Teagan came racing downstairs at my mom's house and said, "Mamaw, I need something, where is the something I need?" ROFL


After eating lunch, he said he was "stuffed like a baby turkey".  LOL


As he was watching me type this last post (see above) he says, "Teaganism.  Teaganism?  I don't have Teaganism, I have Autism."  LOL

Teagan says to me one day, all hyper & stuff, "I'm about to do my nutsack jump!"  And I replied, "No, Teagan, don't jump on me."  And he says, "Don't worry Mommy.  I'm not going to jum on your nutsack."  And I told him , "Teagan, girls don't have nutsacks." To which he replies, "Everyone has a nutsack Mommy."  Err... did I miss something?

Teagan was talking to my mom the other day, and he says, "Mamaw showed me an egg sandwich, and I smelled it, tried it, then bled it."  My mom says, "You bled on it?"  And he says, "Yes, I bled on it."  And my mom says, "Show me how you bled on it."  And he opens his mouth, sticks out his tongue and says, "Blech."  ROFLMAO

Teaganisms - Take 1

     As I said in my first post, Teagan is a very funny boy.  I thought I would dedicate this post to some of the things he has said in the past, which still crack us up, as well as some new things he has entertained us with.

     About a year ago, he was sitting in the car with our then lab-mix puppy, Ollie, and informed me that her breath smelled like hotdog water. I'm not sure he's ever seen or smelled hotdog water, but apparently to him, dog breath smells just like it, or maybe because Ollie was hot, he thinks hotdog water is more like hot dog's drool? Might want to consider this the next time you make hotdogs. LOL

     One day, Teagan was on his hands and knees behind the dog.  I asked him what he was doing and he said to me, "Ollie sniffed my butt, so I'm sniffing hers."  Seriously?  ROFL  So gross.
     Just a few days ago, my husband found a lost dog, so we took him in for the day, in order to find his owners.  Teagan really loved playing with that dog, until the dog, which was still a very young puppy, nipped his arm.  He said, "Mommy, the puppy bit me!"  I told him the puppy was just trying to see what he tasted like.  He said, "I can tell him that.  I taste like human.  NOT dog food."  ROFLMAO
     And on a more personal, but also slightly gross note... Teagan is well aware when mommy's "Aunt Flo" comes to visit, because mommy gets very cranky and isn't very fun. So, when he asks me to do things, I tell him I have cramps and my tummy hurts, and I don't feel like playing right now. Unfortunately, our toilet stops up without any warning, so when I went in to take care of that "personal" business, it stopped up one day, and I didn't know, and left the bathroom. Teagan went in shortly after, and came out all excited ranting and raving. I asked him what was going on, and he says to me, "Mommy! You popped out a cramp!!!" I was like, WTF?? So, he drags me into the bathroom, and I see just what a "cramp" looks like... it was the tampon that didn't flush properly. Poor child will be so confused when he's an adult... LOL
     About a year ago, there was an altercation with an African-American woman at Teagan's school. She was blocking the entrance and exit to the school with her huge SUV, and expected us to backup further holding up traffic, just so she could bogard her way inline of everyone else who had been waiting for 15 minutes or longer to pick up their children. She eventually cussed me out because I did what I usually do in those situations, the exact opposite of what I am expected to do. So, Teagan hearing all of this, I told my mom, who was with us, that I was going to call the school and report her behavior, because it was highly inappropriate with children going to their cars, and my own son sitting in mine listening to her foul little mouth. We are one of the very few white families in this school, so my mom says, "When you call, don't be afraid to throw the race card." Meaning, if we weren't white, she wouldn't have been so nasty. And Teagan replies to all this adult talk, "Yeah mommy, here, you can throw this race car! (he always has cars on hand) My mommy's gonna throw a race car! Mommy, what does the race car look like?" We just about died.
     On September 8, 2010, my car died several times on the way to taking Teagan to school.  He asked what was wrong with the car, and I told him there is a hole in a part of the engine, and he asked why.  I explained to him that it happened when Daddy wrecked the car back in March 2009.  So, he informed me that we should take the car to "Nappy Auto".  rofl  I asked if he meant "Napa Auto Parts", and he said no, it was "Nappy Auto".  I'm not sure I'd want to take my car to any place with the word "Nappy" in it... may end up getting my car back with no tires or rims...
     Last week, I was showing my mom these little tiny bumps on Teagan's back.  Now, I couldn't mention it outloud because when he hears about stuff like that, he totally freaks out, like he'll die from a little bump.  I was concerned they may be the beginnings of chicken pox, but without saying, "Hey mom, look at all these little bumps on Teagan's back and chest!", I said, "Hey Teagan, show mamaw all the hair you have on your back."  rofl  Well, the next day, my husband calls the family letting them all know that Teagan had gotten ahold of the hair clippers and wanted daddy to shave all the hair off his back.  Boys are so vain!  LOL
     One day, I was helping Teagan with his spelling homework, and one of his words was "gratitude".  I asked him to give me a sentence for the word "gratitude".  So, here was his sentence, "I have a bad gratitude."  ROFL  Seriously?
     Sometimes, Teagan gets little pimples on his "junk".  And we have to make him pick them, so they don't get worse or infected.  One night, he was spending the night with his mamaw, and he was showing her his latest pimple, explaining to her that the black pimples have "more chemicals in them than the white ones".  Supposedly, I had told him that, but I never did such a thing.  I have no idea where he comes up with this stuff.
     Teagan still has issues cleaning himself after he performs "#2", so today when he was performing his business, daddy went in to take care of the... err... business.  Teagan informed him, "Be gentle with the intersection where the poo comes out."  LOL  Never heard it called an intersection, always thought it was a one-way street.